The Wanderer

[SuperBuickGuy]

OFF-ROAD MAY 1994 THE WANDERERS # 64


HEADLINE: THE WANDERERS
SUBHEAD: ROAD GAMES
BYLINE: BY RICK SIEMAN


FORWARD: Carl and Emma live the good life. Carl, a retired Navy Chief Petty Officer, drives a huge 4WD Suburban all over the country to explore off-roading areas. The Suburban, nicknamed The Whale, is loaded to the max with every goody known to man. Emma, a very patient lady, tries to keep the short-fused Carl out of as much trouble as possible.
***
We join the wandering duo now, as they drive northward, hopefully to eventually arrive in Canada. With a long, straight, boring four-lane road dead ahead, Carl and Emma needed some entertainment. Emma suggested they play some road games, like guessing the color of the next car to pass in the approaching lanes.
Carl thought that would be a waste of time: "Lookee here, honey-pot. The sad fact of the matter is that most cars and trucks made are painted white. So if I picked white, I'd smoke you in a dumb game like that. What color would you pick, for example?"
Emma thought quietly for a moment. "Hmmm. I think I'd take pink."
"Pink! What kind of a dumb-butt choice is that? I'd take a bet against that any day of the week. Go ahead; make my day. I'll take any bet you care to toss out."
Emma thought deeply for a while. You could tell, as she chewed on her lower lip when she puzzled things out. "Okee-dokee. Loser has to wash dishes for the next week after meals."
Carl slapped his meaty palm on the dash. "Emma, you are makin' a big mistake. Ya see, you wash dishes all the time right now, so if you lose, nothing changes. You just keep on washing dishes. If I lose, then I've got to wash dishes, and that's not on my pudenda ..."
Emma interrupted, "You mean, agenda, dear."
"Agenda, pudenda, what's the difference? Anyways, the bottom line is that with that bet, you can win, but you ain't got nuthin' to lose. And with me, I can lose somethin', but if I win, I don't really win anything at all. Are you following this?"
Emma chewed on her bottom lip some more. "Yes. I think so."
"Good! This means that you have to come up with something to bet that I want to win. Now that part about me doin' the dishes if I lose is a pretty crafty bet on your part. And I could go along with that bet, but you gotta think long and hard about dangling something in front of me that I might go for. Sorta like bait on a hook, ya know. Now you think for a little bit, and I'll dial in somethin' good on the radio."
While Emma resumed chewing her bottom lip, Carl fiddled with the tuning dial on the Blitzkreig Blast-Master Sound-Sucker Warp Drive Amplo-Flyer Mark 12 sound system.
... dial ... dial ... dial ... dial ...
"... so be sure to stop on in at the Burger Through, the home of the famous Piggy Burger. That's six patties of real beef, on four sesame-seed buns, slathered with BBQ sauce, pickles, sauerkraut, sausages, ham slices, roast beef, pepperoni, bacon, corned beef, 14 kinds of cheese, pastrami, salami, pork chops, and of course, a side order of Pickled Pigs Feet. We're located right across from Sisters of Mercy Hospital, and we're opened seven days a week and ..."
...dial ... dial ... dial ... dial ...
" ... stop losing money with ordinary bank interest. By the time you pay taxes, you're coming out in the hole. The real key to financial security is investing in Bowling Stars Cards! That's right, remember how the first baseball cards that came out weren't worth much, but a clean Babe Ruth card is worth a fortune now. Just imagine how the new Bowling Stars Cards will appreciate in the years to come! We're not saying that everyone will make a fortune, but just listen to what Myron T. Fengo has to say about this great investment ..."
... dial ... dial ... dial ... dial ...
"... and next up on Talk-A-Lot Radio, we'll meet a former CIA agent who now teaches young people how to talk to trees ..."
... dial ... dial ... dial ... dial ...
"... after you add the parsley, stir in one cup of sugar, lower the heat to 275 degrees and toss in the possum meat ..."
... dial ... dial ... dial ... dial ...
"... so don't let these pent up feelings bother you, Bernice. It's actually quite normal for women to want hurt their boyfriends in some way. Of course, backing a car over him, like you did, is against the law, but we can understand your ..."
... dial ... dial ... dial ... dial ...
" ... made from a 5000 year old Chinese formula, Tiger Sweat Nutra-Juice is the only natural organic combination of seaweed and bat-wings available at better health food stores everywhe.."
... dial ... dial ... dial ... dial ...
" ... bring you this special report from the office of Councilman Murphy, on the irrigation problem that faces us ..."
... dial ... dial ... dial ... dial ...
" ... news on the hour and the half hour. Dateline: Michael Jackson and Madonna rumored to have a love-child in Costa Rica. We take you now to ..."
... dial ... dial ... dial ... dial ...
" ... so settle back and relax, as we play an un-interrupted hour of the greatest hits of Willy Nelson..."
"Bingo! I just hit some gold on the radio, in the midst of a wasteland of booger-snot trash."
The crusty sounds of Willy Nelson soon filled the cab of The Whale, with Willy mournfully spinning musical tales of bad whiskey and good women, bad women and good whiskey, and all kinds of cheatin' hearts messed up by a combination of whiskey and treachery.
Carl whistled and hummed along, badly out of tune and hopelessly off-key, but happy as a clam nonetheless; assuming of course, that clams are happy. We do not know this for a fact, but it's probably a safe guess, as the divorce rate among clams is very low.
As Carl mulled this over, Emma let out a small yelp of delight. "Hah! I've got it! If I lose the contest, I'll take my monthly allowance and spend it on beer for you. So what do you think?"
Carl scratched his chin and lowered the radio. "Let me get this straight. We have this car-color spotting contest, right? And if you win, I got to wash the dishes for a week, right?"
Emma shook her head. "Nope. Not a week. A month. After all, I'm willing to bet my entire monthly allowance."
Carl let out a low whistle. "Hoooeee! You mean you're willin' to wager the whole twelve dollars and fifty cents?"
"That's right. As long as you're willing to wash dishes for a month if you lose. Now, would you like to go over the rules before we start the contest?"
They agreed on a one hour time limit. Carl picked white and Emma picked pink. Emma got out a large note pad, wrote CARL on the top left and EMMA on the top right, then drew a dividing line down the center. Carl hit the button on the digital clock on the dash after setting the alarm one hour ahead, then settled back to spot oncoming traffic.
The traffic came by at a slow, but steady pace, with a vehicle passing every few minutes.
Carl got the first points on the board, when a white pickup rolled on by, then less than a minute later, two white VW busses loaded with hippies, creaked past them. "That's three quick points, Emma! I can smell victory."
About ten minutes later, a white semi roared by, rocking The Whale from side-to-side with buffeting air. "Hah! That's another one!"
Emma bristled. "What do you mean? That doesn't count! You said trucks and cars. That's a semi!"
"That's right, and a semi is a truck. Now you go ahead and mark that point down. I won't complain if I see a pink semi or any other kind of pink truck coming down the road. As long as it's rolling, and it's street legal, it's fair game, I figger."
Emma sighed and settled back in her seat, looking defeated.
She didn't feel any better when Carl racked up another eight vehicles in the next half hour. A little ray of hope poked over the horizon when she saw what looked like a pink car approaching, but when it got closer, it was obviously a very dirty red car. Carl let out an evil snicker when he saw that.
With only 15 minutes remaining on the clock, Emma felt her heart sink when Carl spotted five more white cars in quick succession. "What's that come to now, honey-pot?"
"Seventeen," said Emma in a near whisper.
Carl finished off a Yoo-Hoo Chocolate Soda in one quick gulp. "Well, I see by the old clock on the dash, that there's less than ten minutes left. Would you like to give up now, so you can avoid humiliation ten minutes from now?"
Emma just folded her arms over her chest and stared straight ahead. The digital numbers on the clock glared at her; one more minute flickered past.
Then, over the rise appeared something rolling down the highway, something definitely pink. Pink and big!
Emma let out a squeal of excitement. "Look, Carl! It's a pink semi! I get a point!"

[SuperBuickGuy]

"What? Are you nuts? Who inna hell would drive a pink semi? Some kinda circus clown?"
At the moment, Carl could not know just how close he was to speaking the truth. The pink semi that soon rumbled into view was, indeed, driven by a circus clown. In fact, Pinky The Clown.
And on the side of that huge pink semi trailer, was lettered the sign: "PINKY BROTHERS CIRCUS AND CARNIVAL".
Right after the lead semi, was a long line of vehicles. Busses carrying people. Trucks towing trailers. Trucks with cages of circus animals. Flat-bed trucks with carnival rides loaded. Perhaps 30 vehicles in all.
And every one of them was painted bright pink!
Emma whipped out the ball point pen and made mark after mark as the assemblage of pink vehicles rumbled slowly by. "Eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen ... ooooh .... fifteen, sixteen, seventeen ... aaaahhhh .... five more takes it to twenty-two, another makes it twenty-three, and wait, there are still more coming!"
Finally, the pink line of rigs passed and became small images in Carl's rear view mirror. Emma was busy totaling up the score. "Well, the count so far is 32 to 17. But don't worry, dear, you still have some time left. Two minutes according to the clock."
In that last long 120 seconds, not one other vehicle rolled by The Whale. Eventually, the small buzz of the alarm went off and Emma clapped her hands happily. "Ooooh, Carl! I won! That means you have to wash dishes for the next month. Wasn't that exciting?"
Carl didn't say a word, but a minute later, when he saw a convenience store alongside the road, he pulled quickly in to the parking lot and shut the ignition off.
"What are you stopping for, dear? We're stocked up on just about everything."
Carl got out, looked through his wallet, then turned to Emma. "Nothin' much. I'm just gonna buy about fifty bucks worth of paper plates and plastic forks and spoons. It looks like it's gonna be a long month."




(NOTE TO ART DEPT. SUGGESTION FOR ILLUSTRATION. How about a drawing of The Whale driving down a long, straight, lonely-looking road, with a sign that says 'NEXT TOWN 100 MILES' ?)

[irsa76]

Hmm, not a Safari snorkel if it's cheap, despite looking like one. In saying that the fact you were able to heat and adjust it without it shattering says it's one of the better ripoffs, I've seen some copies break when people are fitting them.
Certainly better than the fiberglass snorkel I saw someone offering for sale to suit this generation last year. Al from the skid factory likes his 4" stainless steel pipe snorkels, probably because he can show off his welding when he makes them. I'm likely to spring for a snorkel for the Challenger in the near future, just can't bring myself to cut a big hole in my fender myself.

[SuperBuickGuy]

it's not too hard to cut a hole in a $300 Suburban to fit a $60 snorkel.

[irsa76]

Lol, true.

[SuperBuickGuy]

So time to say good bye to Wanderer 1. I have no idea what it's worth, but likely it will get sold to another person who does k9 Search and Rescue. Having the ability to keep your dogs cool no matter the weather is a big deal, plus the water and pump... anyway, say good bye














and in clearing the shop, I got the sliding tray out of the shop. Not installed, but this next week I'll start getting this modified for camping and Search and Rescue.

[SuperBuickGuy]

back
cooking, covered

I did some rework on the turbo intake along with raising the boost


time to finish the rack and paint it


unlike the other rig, it's going to be easy to disassemble for other duties


look about 2/3 of the way up that tree.... my supervisor owl was watching me work


I can't believe I bought a gas firepit but around here, it's the only legal way to have a campfire in the summer


painted

[silver_bullet]

Looks good to me!

[SuperBuickGuy]

and top back on top

[silver_bullet]

Does this one fare better at towing the FJ?

[SuperBuickGuy]

they're basically the same, this weighs a bit more but it has more power.

remove the batteries from the other rig and installed them here


in tow


and a mistake.. I was 90* off on the install
not a big deal to fix

[SuperBuickGuy]

a bit of work done.... the battery isolator is installed


and had a successful tow of the '40.... just about ready to go....

[silver_bullet]

Cool....I was hoping it would go well....we found that on the next generation SUV(avalanche) they pinched the rear frame rails as part of the crumple zone and it tends to flex... not sure about your generation...

[SuperBuickGuy]

what's funny is this may be a one-use deal. I bought axles to build my new car trailer.

[silver_bullet]

Yeah, but it's nice to have if the trailer is occupied or being repaired/modified...you can also tee off of the light harness to have extra lights when it is on the trailer!