The Wanderer

[Deaf Bob]

Dualies on your 'Burb?
Will help greatly pulling a trailer.. More stable on corners and 2 more tires for traction...

[SuperBuickGuy]

oh no.... another drive axle

[silver_bullet]

when you figure out the v-drive, it'll be awesome!!

[irsa76]

Do you actually NEED the 3rd driven axle or just want more stability/capacity? Reason I ask is lazy or tag axle conversions are pretty common here, but tandem drive axle conversions are rare. The main disadvantages of the 3rd driven axle are weight, cost, tirewear, drivability and complexity. A lazy axle stil gives you the same weight capacity and improvments in stability and braking as the extra drive axle but with less weight and cost.
Now, personally I'd go with a selectable driven axle, that is having the ability to have it act as a tag when not needed but still having the benefits of 6wd when needed.

http://www.sixwheeler.com.au/

http://6x6australia.com.au/

http://specialisedvehicles.com.au/services-6-wheeler.php

[SuperBuickGuy]

Need lol

[Deaf Bob]

Kinda satisfying to flip the interlock lever and feel the rig move when it was stopped..
Made a heck of a difference going onto the ferry...

[Dan Barlow]

Under the 'burb ? Or starting over with a different truck ........possibly bigger ?

[SuperBuickGuy]

under the burb - though I'm considering simply putting the burb body (or parts of it) on a deuce and a half chassis.

[SuperBuickGuy]

OFF-ROAD AUGUST 1993 THE WANDERERS # 55
FORWARD: Carl and Emma live the good life. Carl, a retired Navy Chief Petty Officer, drives a huge 4WD Suburban all over the country to explore off-roading areas. The Suburban, nick-named The Whale, is loaded to the max with every goody known to man. Emma, a very patient lady, tries to keep the short-fused Carl out of as much trouble as possible.
***
Let's bring you up to speed: After building a monster truck in Clearfield, Utah, Carl and Emma eventually got ready for their first competition. At this point, they even managed to scrape up a few odd sponsors and had come up with a name for their monster truck: THE KILLER WHALE!
The event they decided to use as a shakedown was the Clearfield Smash And Bash being held at the local Fairgrounds. Well, everything was set, the Bronco was named and there was enough sponsor money to cover the entry fees. All that remained was the question: How would Carl and The Killer Whale do in real, no-holds-barred competition?
***
Carl and Emma made quite a sight rolling down the road, with The Whale (their loyal Suburban), pulling a trailer, and on the trailer, in all its majestic glory was Emma's Bronco, The Killer Whale. Except it looked sort of goofy with the small transport wheels on it. You see, monster trucks are way to wide to fit on a trailer that'll fit a normal sized road. So they have small wheels and tires on just to transport it, and to load and unload. And nothing looks stranger than a huge truck with scads of wheel clearance and ordinary-sized tires underneath.
When they arrived at the Fairgrounds, the folks from Boyce Equipment Company helped with the un-loading and the big wheel installing in the parking lot. With the wheels on, The Killer Whale took on the look of a true monster truck.
Carl wandered over to the sign-up area and got in line. A huge bearded guy with a T-shirt that proclaimed "Arnold's Pig Farm" on it was in front of Carl, effectively blocking the view of the information posted on the board, but most of the state of Utah, as well.
Carl tapped him on the shoulder. " Say, Arnold. You one of the drivers?"
Arnold scratched one his chins as if lost in thought for moment, then brightened. "Yup. That's me. I drive a hemi-powered Dodge that goes by the name of PIG PARTS R US. You see, I raise oinkers and sell em when they're the right size."
Carl raised one eye. "Is there money in that?"
Arnold smiled, revealing two teeth on the top and one on the bottom. "Well, chances are if you ate some ham, sausage or bacon anywhere west of the Mississippi, it was probably from my outfit. Pigs is not only big, it's big business. So, you a driver, too?"
Carl beamed. "Yesiree bub, I drive a new Bronco called The Killer Whale. Say, how many trucks we got in this here event? By the way, my name is Carl."
"Glad to meet ya, Carl. Well, most of the local regular guys is here. You got THE GARBAGE TRUCK; it's a front loader ex-sanitation truck from Salt Lake City with a 454 Chevy under the bucket.
"Then you got ITCHY FOOT. That's a '65 Ford stake bed truck. He wanted to call it Large Foot, but them Big Foot guys threatened to sue him.
"If you like older rigs, there's THE TRENCH DIGGER, a '39 Chevy Sedan with pirate skull 'n crossbones painted on the side. Sort of a take off on the Grave Digger, if ya git my drift.
"There's NUT CRUSHER; I do believe he's showed up. It's called that because the owner is a walnut grower from Indiana. Lessee... you got BEAR TRACKS and USA 6 7/8 and ..."
Carl interrupted. "Whoa! Back up a bit. What's this USA 6 7/8?"
"Well, USA 1 was sorta taken, and since the owner runs a hat store, it makes sense, I guess. Then you got SPECIAL DELIVERY. It's got an old UPS truck body on it and I got no idea what's under the hood.
"One you gotta watch out for is THE STINKER TOY0; it's a real light Toyota pickup with a 540 inch Chevy mounted in the center. The only weird thing is that he went and painted it pink. Can you beat that? Imagine, painting a monster truck pink! Haw, haw."
Carl reddened visibly. "Hold on there, Arnold. My rig is pink, too."
Arnold peered at Carl suspiciously. "Pink? You ain't one a them light-in-the-loafers types, are ya?
Carl bristled. "Now hold on, you pig farmer! My Bronco is pink because my wife refused to give up to make into a monster truck unless I kept it pink."
"Hey, no offense, Carl. It's just odd to see pink trucks. It's sorta like seein' a bright blue pig, if ya git my drift. Anyways, there's a coupla more I can think of. You got PRIME SUSPECT; it's a Ranchero that's painted in half dozen different shades of red and gray primer. Naturally, it's sponsored by a paint store.
"The last big name truck I can think of is HOUND DOG. It's the strangest thing I ever did see. I got no idea what kind of power plant it runs, or what it's built from, but the stupid thing has a big wooden dog house built on it. The owner runs a pet store, so I guess it makes sense, in a weird sorta way.
"Lessee...including yours, that makes a dozen that I know about, and there's sure to be another four or five. Yup. We'll have a 16 truck field, minimum. Should make for a good payday for the winner."
Carl's eyes widened. "Money? How much?"
Arnold stifled a belch with a huge meaty hand. "Entry fee is five hundred bucks each and the promoter matches the entry fee, dollar for dollar. So if we got 16 trucks in the field, that makes a $16,000 total purse. Not too shabby."
Carl was curious. "So what's the breakdown?"
Arnold sighed. "That's the problem. Or the good part, if ya happen to win. You see, the winner gits $15,000, second place gets $750 and third place gits $250."
Carl let out a low whistle. Wow! That's pretty tense. Almost all the money for first and damn near nuthin' for second and third." Arnold shook his head from side to side. "Well, you gotta admit it does give a fella some incentive to win."
Carl looked puzzled. "So what's the trick to winning the whole ball of wax, Arnold?"
Arnold squinted his eyes and pursed his lips. "Hmmmm. Good question. Well, now that I think about it, the key here is to jump as long and far as you can. You see, the field is all lumpy and un-even, and if you try to ride over the tops of the cars, you're gonna git pushed off to the side. So your best bet is to just launch it and try to clear all the cars. The only problem with doing that, is that you ain't got much run-off room to slow down and stop.
"So the way they tried to extend the run-off area is to leave a gate open and you can go out through a tunnel to the outside area. Only problem is that the tunnel is only about two feet wider than the track of the average monster truck, and if you ain't aimed up just right, chances are you're gonna leave part of your truck scraped all over one side or the other of that tunnel.
"It's just a matter of if you got the nerve to stuff it through the tunnel. I know I do. I've won here that last few times, Carl, so you're lookin' at the man to beat. However, if you can bring yourself to jump all the cars, land straight, and make it through the tunnel, then you got a chance to beat me. Well, my butter ball new buddy, are you up to the task?"
***
Holy smokes! Will Carl be able to go for the gold by gathering up enough nerve to jump all the cars, and then make it through the narrow tunnel un-scathed?
Well, folks... it's taken us a long time to get to this point, but I can personally assure you that in the very next issue, we'll get to see Carl finally get to put The Killer Whale to the test. The tension is building!























OFF-ROAD AUGUST 1993 THE WANDERERS # 55 HEADLINES


HEADLINE: THE WANDERERS
SUBHEAD: GETTING READY FOR THE MONSTER TRUCK RACE!
BYLINE: BY RICK SIEMAN




(NOTE TO ART DEPT. SUGGESTION FOR ILLO.... Drawing of a huge, fat bearded guy with "ARNOLD'S PIG FARM" on the front, waving his hands in the air, indicating a huge jump.)

[Dan Barlow]

Yeah , the deuce was what I was thinking , No point reinventing the wheel .Burb on it would be cool . Maybe two burb bodies and one doghouse . But then again That GMC super weenie that someone mentioned on the vette thread on the deuce would be all the better .

[SuperBuickGuy]

OFF-ROAD SEPTEMBER 1993 THE WANDERERS # 56

FORWARD: Carl and Emma live the good life. Carl, a retired Navy Chief Petty Officer, drives a huge 4WD Suburban all over the country to explore off-roading areas. The Suburban, nick-named The Whale, is loaded to the max with every goody known to man. Emma, a very patient lady, tries to keep the short-fused Carl out of as much trouble as possible.
***
Finally, the day of reckoning arrived. Carl would get to compete in their new monster truck, The Killer Whale, at the Clearfield, Utah, Smash and Bash event. Things looked good, as a full field of 16 monster trucks showed up, and some serious prize money was on the line.
Carl had done some inquiring at one of the other competitors, a huge bearded pig farmer named Arnold who drove a truck called PIG PARTS R US, and found out a few startling things. Firstly, the prize money - $16,000 in all - was divided up thusly: $15,000 to first place, $750 for second and $250 for third.
Secondly, according to Arnold, it was necessary to jump all the cars if you wanted to win, as the field was all crooked, but because the landing area was so short, you had to go through a tunnel in the stands. A very narrow tunnel. It would take a skillful jump indeed, to leap over a dozen cars, bring the monster truck under control and snake it through the narrow opening.
***
The first time Carl drove inside the Fairgrounds arena, he was stunned by how small the place was. And the row of junk yard cars - still untouched - looked long, high and intimidating, having not been flattened yet.
A crowd of about 10,000 people packed the stands, waiting for the action to start. The promoter gathered all the monster truck racers around at a drivers meeting and explained some basic rules and how the schedule was to be run.
A half-hour practice session would be allowed to warm the trucks up and to flatten the line of cars a bit, before the actual racing started. Eliminations would be run drag racing style: you lose, and you're eliminated. In addition to the cash money being offered, a huge six foot tall trophy was to be awarded to the winner. A small 12 inch trophy would go to second place, and a one quart plastic bottle of beef jerky would be given to the third place finisher.
Wisely, Carl let the other trucks take the first runs at the line of junker cars. THE GARBAGE TRUCK, an ex-sanitation department truck from Salt Lake City, was the first out, and he took it easy, catching a small bit of air off the dirt ramp, and landing front end first on the third car in line.
But just like Arnold the pig farmer said, the row of cars was very uneven, and THE GARBAGE TRUCK slithered off the left side about half way down the line. Three more trucks fumbled across the roofs of the cars, all of them dropping off one side or the other due to the uneven surface, before THE TRENCH DIGGER, a '39 Chevy Sedan with pirate skulls painted on the side, made a clean run.
Carl made a cautious pass, and like most of the others, slithered off the row of cars. On his next pass, he got almost to the end before sliding off again, but did have a chance to eyeball the tunnel through the stands. Boy, it sure looked small from up there!
The first truck to give it a real good shot was Arnold the pig farmer, at the wheel of PIG PARTS R US. He gave it a good launch and landed on the second car from the end, got a little bit crooked, but managed to straighten it out and darted cleanly through the tunnel, much to the delight of the crowd.
The practice session was over far too soon, and Carl never felt right enough to give it a serious launch. He drove back to the pits and checked everything over. The Killer Whale seemed nice and tight, and all the gauges indicated the correct readings. The guys from Boyce Equipment did a deep inspection underneath the truck and reported that everything looked straight and true.
The Boyce crew offered advice: "Just take it easy on the first run, Carl. Half of the trucks out here ain't built all that well and will probably break before they complete the run. Trust us on that."
***
There was a break to allow the drivers to work on their trucks and to draw for the eliminations. Carl drew the fourth round against the pink Toyota truck called STINKER TOY.
The first round went as the Boyce crew predicted; plenty of broken trucks. THE GARBAGE TRUCK had a slow run, but ITCHY FOOT (a '65 Ford stake-bed) had a drive shaft break and fly off nearly to the stands.
In the next run, USA 6 7/8 put in a clean run, beating BEAR TRACKS, which caught on fire right before crossing the finish line. In Round Three, SPECIAL DELIVERY (an old UPS mail truck) took almost a full minute to creep across the now-slightly compressed line of cars, but still won, as PRIME SUSPECT (a battered Ranchero painted in primer and sponsored by a paint store) puked its transmission approaching the dirt take-off ramp.
Carl was up next and Emma leaned forward to give him a hug and a reassuring kiss on the cheek, but poked him in the eye with the edge of her over-sized sun glasses. Carl went to the staging areas with tears streaming from his right eye, which was nearly closed and in severe pain.
Carl staged against STINKER TOY and his heart pounded as the starter lined both the pink monster trucks up, making sure that both were dead even. The starting tree went from a red light, to yellow, hesitated a fraction, then went green. Carl hammered the throttle and hit the take-off ramp side-by-side with the Toyota.
Both trucks landed about half way down the row of cars, but the Toyota emitted a loud crack, and the right front wheel flew off and flopped to the field, followed immediately thereafter by the truck, which landed on its side.
Carl fought the steering wheel as the Killer Whale threatened to pull hard to the left, but he managed to save it and chopped the throttle while rolling smoothly over the last car.
Back in the pits, everyone slapped Carl on the back and hooted and hollered. Carl beamed: "One down!" The Boyce crew interrupted the mini-celebration: "You gotta watch this next run. This is the man you got to beat if you want to win all the marbles."
Arnold the pig farmer in PIG PARTS R US, lined up against THE NUT CRUNCHER. Both rigs left the line clean and hard, but Arnold launched the big Dodge almost the complete row of cars, while NUT CRUNCHER chopped the throttle a tad early. The PIG PARTS truck crossed the finish line about five feet in front of the other truck, and was barely able to stop the Dodge in front of the wall. Carl could now see that if you cleared all the cars, you would definitely have to go through the tunnel to get slowed down. There simply wasn't enough room otherwise.
Fascinated, Carl watched the rest of the fist round eliminations. TRENCH DIGGER had a clean run, while HOUND DOG looped out right after the take-off ramp and landed on its roof.
In round seven, a funky old Jeep CJ-5 easily beat a funky-looking Edsel when the transfer case on the Edsel fell out on the ground on the approach to the ramp.
In the last round, a bizarre looking Checker taxi-cab bodied rig rolled sideways across the finish line in front of a truly ugly International pickup that was blowing steam like a locomotive boiler. Oddly enough, the boxy looking Checker body looked completely undamaged in spite of the roll-over.
That left eight trucks to do battle in the second go-round. THE GARBAGE TRUCK matched up against USA 6 7/8 and literally left the USA rig standing at the starting line when the engine blew up in an oily smoky cloudy ka-boom!

[SuperBuickGuy]

Carl was up next against the mail truck, SPECIAL DELIVERY, and had a relatively easy run when the ex-UPS truck veered of the row of cars when the tie-rods snapped and almost took out the ambulance near the hot dog stand before coming to a halt.
Arnold the pig farmer was up next, pitting the PIG PARTS R US truck against THE TRENCH DIGGER. It was a close run, but Arnold jumped a bit further and nearly cleared the row of cars in the air, giving him another tight win. Again, he barely was able to stop his Dodge.
Carl was curious. "I thought that Arnold guy was gonna jump all the cars?"
The Boyce crew had the answer: "Only if he has to. You see, he had a slight edge on the other truck as they approached the jump ramp, so he didn't need to charge any harder. But I'll guarantee you that if he has to jump the whole row of cars to win the final, he'll do it!"
The final pairing of the second session had that crusty old Jeep going against the Checker taxi. The Jeep won handily when the Checker landed nose-first half way through the row of cars, with the tail in the air. They had to bring a tow truck in to extract it from the rear window of a four-door 1968 Buick Electra.
That left the Final Four: THE GARBAGE TRUCK, Carl and Emma's rig, THE KILLER WHALE, PIG PARTS R US and the Jeep with no name.
Carl drew THE GARBAGE TRUCK and Arnold the pig farmer drew the no-named Jeep. Emma summed it all up for the crew: "It just doesn't seem right. Carl has to go against that radical GARBAGE TRUCK, and Arnold the pig farmer just has to deal with a funky old Jeep."
The Boyce crew cautioned them: "Never write off a Jeep, no matter how old, or how strange it looks."
Carl figured he'd play it by ear, rather than trying to calculate any sort of a game plan. When the starting light blinked to green, Carl hammered the throttle and grabbed a quick half-length lead over his competition. He played it safe and decided not to try to jump the entire line-up of cars, which turned out to be good strategy, as THE GARBAGE TRUCK landed crookedly on the third car from the end and rolled heavily to the Fairgrounds floor. Carl landed on the roof of the last car, bounded wildly into the air and landed on both left wheels, barely able to bring the Bronco under control right before smacking into the wall. Close call!
Everybody clambered up on top of a motor home to watch the pig farmer go to work. True to the predictions of the Boyce crew, the Jeep pulled a hole shot on the start and literally flew off the jump ramp, with PIG PARTS R US a full length behind. The no-name Jeep crossed the finish line first, but landed crooked and didn't line up cleanly to make it through the tunnel. The side of the Jeep monster truck smacked the leading edge of the tunnel entrance and folded in half like a jack-knife. The engine ripped off its motor mounts and skidded through the tunnel, coming to rest out in the middle of the parking lot, wires and hoses dangling out like a flying plate of spaghetti.
Carl turned to the Boyce crew. "What happens now? The Jeep is destroyed, but it beat the pig farmer."
The Boyce crew ran over to the promoter, and came back with the answer. "The next fastest time advances to the finals if a semi-final competitor cannot make it to the starting line. And that means you're going to have to run against the pig farmer, and we might as well tell you, he ain't going to hold anything back in the finals. Carl, you're gonna have to go for the tunnel. Try to jump all the cars and head for the hole if you want to win. We don't want to put any pressure on you, but first place is $15,000 and second place is $750 bucks and a trophy the size of a cheap flashlight. It's all in your hands, Carl."
***
Everything was in readiness; the truck had been checked out completely, from stem to stern, and everything seemed OK. Arnold, the pig farmer, got to the starting line early, with his raspy-sounding hemi sending almost visible waves of pure power bouncing off the eardrums of everyone in the grandstands.
Carl waited as long as he could before reporting to the starting line. He remembered reading something in Off-Road about a cool engine putting out the most horsepower.
Carl eased THE KILLER WHALE right up next to PIG PARTS R US and fixed his eyes on the starting lights. This was it. He had to go for it now, or never. The revs raised on both trucks as they waited for the lights to blink.
Red. Then yellow. The micro-second the yellow light started to fade, Carl slammed the C6 trans into gear and mashed the throttle to the floor pan.
Carl glanced out of his right eye and saw PIG PARTS R US dead even with his front fender. As the ramp loomed up, Carl resisted lifting his foot and left it buried. The Bronco hit the ramp and sailed ... and sailed ... and sailed ... and cleared the row of cars by a good 20 feet. Carl landed flat and solid, yanked the steering wheel a fraction to the left to line up for the tunnel. Stopping was out of the question.
The pink Bronco slipped cleanly through the tunnel, and when Carl saw daylight again, he slammed the brakes on hard. The Bronco slithered on the dirt of the parking lot, big tires biting hard, and came to a stop almost in time. The front end slammed into the side of a parked vehicle, moving it a few feet to the west.
Carl leaped out of the KILLER WHALE and ran back into the Fairgrounds, to be greeted by a joyful crew and Emma. Arnold apparently had a problem, as the PIG PARTS R US truck had tagged the wall and was now considerably shorter than it had been a few minutes ago.
***
Carl accepted the check for $15,000, waving to the crowd as he did so. Emma came up and gave him a hug. "Congratulations, big guy! You won!"
Carl blushed. "Well, my dear, the only problem we have now is how we should spend this here $15,000. Got any ideas, Emma?"
Emma frowned. "I don't quite know how to break it to you, but the vehicle you ran in to was our Suburban, the Whale. And I had a local body show check out the damage. It's going to cost us about ... ahhh.... $15,000 to get it shaped up. Carl? Carl? Will somebody please pick him up? "




OFF-ROAD SEPTEMBER 1993 THE WANDERERS # 56 HEADLINES
HEADLINE: THE WANDERERS
SUBHEAD: DEALING WITH THE TUNNEL OF DOOM!
BYLINE: BY RICK SIEMAN


NOTE TO ART DEPARTMENT: SUGGESTION FOR ILLUSTRATION: How about a drawing of the rear end of Carls' monster truck disappearing into an inky-black tunnel?


Thanks, Rick


By the way, the last
few illos have been great!

[SuperBuickGuy]

OFF-ROAD OCTOBER 1993 THE WANDERERS # 57

FORWARD: Carl and Emma live the good life. Carl, a retired Navy Chief Petty Officer, drives a huge 4WD Suburban all over the country to explore off-roading areas. The Suburban, nick-named The Whale, is loaded to the max with every goody known to man. Emma, a very patient lady, tries to keep the short-fused Carl out of as much trouble as possible.
***
A recap is in order. Last time, Carl finally got a chance to compete with their new monster truck, but even though he won the main event and a tidy $15,000 for first place, a bit of bad luck happened. Because Carl jumped the entire row of cars, he didn't stand a chance of slowing down inside the small Fairgrounds facility, and had to go through the tunnel leading out to the parking lot.
There, he rammed into another vehicle while stopping, which unfortunately turned out to his Suburban, The Whale. Luckily, it wasn't totaled, but the damage came to almost $15,000, which, when you consider the fact that the entry fee to the event was $500, Carl had a net loss of about $300 for the weekend.
***
We join them now as they're driving The Whale down the road, two weeks after the event. Strangely, there's no trailer hooked on the back of The Whale.
Emma sighed. "You know Carl, I'm sort of sad that we sold the Killer Whale monster truck."
Carl bit a hefty chunk of Red Man chewing tobacco and tucked it in the side of his mouth. "Well, we had a good run at it. It was fun and all that, but the way I figured, it was gonna cost us a fortune to compete on a regular basis. I mean, you ain't gonna win all the time, and when you get to the big events with the big money, then you gotta go up against Big Foot and all them sort of trucks. Naw, we had our fun and it's time for us to get back to wanderin' around. That's the longest we ever been in one town for the last three years."
Emma sipped at her Yoo-Hoo chocolate soda delicately. "Well, at least we were able to recoup our money we spent building the monster truck."
Carl bit off another plug. "Wffffpll, fffoo grrrtt thsuu vvllimmm nnnn ..."
Emma cut in. "Carl, please don't try to talk with a half pound of tobacco in your mouth. I can't understand a word you're saying!"
"Sorry, honey-pot. Now I got it all wadded up in one cheek, so I can denunciate properly."
"You mean enunciate."
"Right. That's what I said. Whatsamatter, you spill some of the chocolate soda in your ears, or something?"
Emma settled back with a sigh, and smiled. "Well, are we heading to Canada finally? I'd like to get up there when the leaves are turning colors."
Carl spat a huge wad of chew-juice at a road-side sign and nailed it on the lower left corner. "Boy, I'm gettin' better with age. That musta been a 22 foot shot at 55 miles per hour. Not bad at all. Oh yeah, you mentioned Canada? Well, I think we ought to wander in that general direction. But I sure got the urge to do some off-road wandering on the way up there. Just find us a nice little dirt road somewhere, find a stream or a lake and maybe do some camping. Sound good?"
"Ooooooh! That sounds wonderful. I'll get the map out and look for something interesting."
Carl grunted. "We don't need no stinkin' map! All I gotta do is use my keen sense of sight. I'll just keep my eyes open for some landscape that looks good, and any old dirt road that heads in that direction will do."
"What do you look for?"
"Easy. You look for some humps and bumps in the terrain. Hills have to have valleys. I mean, you can't have a hill if it's all even. If a hill was even, it would be level and wouldn't be a hill, now would it? You follow that so far?"
"Uhh, yes. I think so. Then what?"
"Like I said, you got your hills, so that means you got your low spots. And when you got low spots, that's were you can find water. I ain't seen a lake yet on the side of a hill, or on a mountain peak. So, we head for some kind of space between a coupla hills. Bingo! Chances are we'll find a perfect camping spot, catch a few fish and have a great time."
They drove for a few hours, listening to Willy Nelson tapes and munching on Dorito chips dunked in a garlic/jalapeno/bacon dip. Then Carl let out whoop and pointed off to the right. "Now that looks a spot with some potential! Check it out; big hills, lottsa trees, some grass on the low land ... should be fine camping somewhere back in there."
Carl peeled The Whale off the highway and onto a side road. A few miles down the road, he pulled into a small gas station and gassed up all three tanks. The attendant wiped a greasy red rag over the windshield. "If you're headin' back in the hills, you might wanna buy some extra water to take with you."
Carl took out some paper towels and re-cleaned the windshield. "No thanks. I'll just find me a place to camp near some water."
The attendant wiped his runny nose with the same greasy red rag. "I don't think there's much in the way of lakes or ponds up there. Of course, I ain't ever been up there myself, but I don't see no boats ever go by here."
Carl let out a clever-looking smile. "Young man, that don't mean a thing. If you know your way around the woods, you can always find some water."
Emma finished off her Yoo-Hoo Chocolate Soda. "Maybe we should stock up on water, Carl? I haven't checked the water tanks lately."
Carl snorted. "Hey, have you considered the fact that they charge money for the water here? If you want water from that hose, you gotta put three quarters in the machine. And the jug water is 59 cents a gallon. I think we'll just pass on that for now, and find our own free water. I will need some beer extra beer, though."
Ten minutes later, they were underway down the narrow paved road, which soon turned into a pleasant dirt road, which in turn, turned into a bumpy-narrow two-track. The came to a fork, and Carl took the right trail, which was a very tight, gnarly trail that headed off toward those inviting hills.
Carl was glad that he had some good Rancho shocks on The Whale, as the trail deteriorated badly, and the big Suburban was able to get up to a comfortable speed that let the shocks work, while the chassis stayed relatively stable.
Up ahead was an abandoned old farmhouse with a faded Mail Pouch sign on the side, that looked ready to fall over with one stiff breeze. Carl stopped, and zeroed out the odometer. It never hurt to know exactly how far back in you were, and that farmhouse made a great landmark. Just in case.
He headed for a gap between two large green hills that looked promising. The trail got rougher and rougher, and all that was left on the ground to guide Carl, was the two-track marks left by others who had gone that way in the past.
There were some slippery off-camber sections that required finesse from the driver, so Carl slipped The Whale into four wheel drive, and instantly felt the big BF Goodrich All Terrain tires start to grip and pull smoothly forward. No slide-slipping with those babies!
A half-hour later, Carl dropped down into a rock-filled canyon, and had to pick his way slowly around most of the boulders and over some of the bigger ones. The only clue that any other vehicles had ever passed through here, were the scrape marks on the rocks.
Carl was glad when they finally got out of that stuff and into some normal woods. The two-track trail resumed, and Carl was able to go back to two-wheel

[SuperBuickGuy]

drive. The only thing that made the driving difficult, was that the brush was over-growing the trail. Fender-high weeds, brush and scrub pines scratched up against the sides of The Whale. At times, Carl couldn't even see the trees flanking the trail, and shuddered when he heard that all too familiar scraping sound on the body that meant it would require several hours of buffing with rubbing compound to get the scratches out.
Emma tapped Carl on the shoulder. "Dear, I don't mean to interrupt you, but ..."
"Then don't! Under conditions like this, a driver has to pay complete attention to the terrain and his machine. My mind is like a computer, wanderin' back and forth from the controls, to the gauges, to the obstacles, so any distractions would ... what's that noise?"
Emma sighed. "I think it's the sound of your radiator boiling over."
"What? How could that be?"
"That's what I've been trying to tell you. While you've been so busy driving, I figured the least I could do was keep an eye on your gauges. You know ... the oil pressure, the temperature. All the usual stuff. You've been running about 280 degrees right now."
Carl peered at the dash in stark racing horror! Whoa! the temp gauge was pegged. He found an open spot and pulled The Whale off the trail and shut the engine down. When Carl popped the hood, he was greeted by a wall of steam.
He let loose with a stream of vile Navy curses that would have curdled milk on a cold day. Emma blanched. "You know, I never did get used that kind of language. Not even after you spent 28 years in the Navy with all those foul-mouthed friends of yours."
"Sorry, honey-pot. I got sorta carried away. Now stand back from all that steam and let's see if I can figure out what caused this here grief."
Carl did the old trick of moving the hood up and down to clear the steam from the engine, and in moments, he had a clear view of the engine compartment. A small stick was poking right dead center in the front of the radiator, and steam and liquid was blowing out of the hole.
Carl started swearing like a trooper again, and Emma smacked him on the top of his head with an empty Yoo-Hoo bottle. "Carl! Now you stop that, right now! One more foul word from you, and I'm going to stick this bottle up your ... your ... your nose!"
"Whoops. Sorry, my dear. I promise to try harder to correct my language, no %*#@. Owww! That hurt. You almost split my head open with that stupid soda bottle. We got us a bigger problem here than my foul mouth, Emma. There's a hole in here the size of bowling ball."
Emma peered over the front end. "Pish and tiffle. That's nothing. I've got a copy of the latest issue of Off-Road that tells you how to fix cooling system problems on the trail. I read the whole article while we were driving down the road, and there's no reason in the world we can't fix this ourself."
"Where's that magazine? It's the September issue, right? Go get me the magazine and a couple of cold beers. I think I'd better read that thing over."
A few minutes later, Carl was working on his second beer and had finished the article. "No problem, Emma. This thing pretty much covers it all. We've got the right stuff to plug the hole, so all we have to do is fix it, then fill it up with water. Emma? Go fill up a couple of jugs from the sink tap and bring 'em out here. I'll start on fixing the damage."
Carl grabbed a rag and released the radiator cap, and watched as the last bit of steam escaped from the massive over-sized radiator. He then checked out his tool kit and found some radiator sealants. Just about that time, he heard a loud "Oh, no!" from inside The Whale.
"Emma? What is it? A spider? A snake?"
"No. It's worse than that. We're completely out of water!"
***
Well, Carl appears to have done it once again. Stuck in the middle of nowhere, with a bone-dry radiator, and no water to put in there. What will happen? Who can tell? We'll simply have to wait to see what happens. Quite frankly, I'm worried.












OFF-ROAD OCTOBER 1993 THE WANDERERS # 57 HEADLINES

HEADLINE: THE WANDERERS
SUBHEAD: DEM OLE BONE-DRY BLUES
BYLINE: BY RICK SIEMAN



SUGGESTION FOR ILLO: How about a drawing of The Whale with a giant cloud of steam blowing out from under the hood? By the way, the last few illos have been great!
Thanks,

Rick Sieman

[SuperBuickGuy]

how to build a 6.5 diesel, coming soon