Tweet
With the early morning wake ups for work, long hours, and a brain that seems to go into overdrive when I want to go to sleep; a plan evolved. An evil plan. As the week went along and brain still moving at 100 mph, every detail had been worked out.
Don't worry, the evil plan is more an elaborate practical joke that can get dozens if not hundreds of unsuspecting victims.
We all have seen, and smelled those christmas tree air fresheners. We all know people who have a dozen or more of these things in their cars. The smell of Vanilla, Pine, Strawberries, or Lemon can make your stomach turn. They use these things to cover up their lack of hygiene, chain smoking habits, or the interior of their cars resemble and smell like a dumpster behind the local fast food joint.
My thought came once when friends and I in high school went on a spree of putting stinky, awful things in cars in the school parking lot. We got proficient of breaking into cars, and one of us had a nice slim jim. We never stole anything, just tossed dead fish under the seat or a dead cat in the trunk, and sometimes a bag full of dog shit in the glove box.
Biut, now I want to be more devious and less obvious. I want combine the two wrongs into a crime wave of epic proportions.
It starts by finding one of those companies that makes gag gifts. You know, like the ones who make woopie cushions and rubber dog crap. We'd get them to make copies of the Christmas tree air fresheners that look very similar, but not exact copies of the ones we find in parts stores and Walmart. This is necessary in order to keep Christmas Tree Air Freshener Company for suing instantly for copyright or something. But, these wouldn't smell pretty and frilly. Oh no, they would have horrible and disgusting smells instead.
In order for these imposters to work, they couldn't smell horrible the second they are opened; or the gag would back flop right out of the gate. There would have to be coated with something that would keep the smell under wraps until a time after they were opened and hanging inside the car.The packaging would have to be air tight. I figure the coating would break down over a few days after being exposed to air. See, I told you I was thinking of every detail. After a few days, these holiday themed do-hickeys smell would turn from pine to armpit. Or, from vanilla to rotting flesh. Or, lemon drops to doggy droppings.
People would be tearing apart their cars trying to figure out what crawled into their cars and died. They would be pulling their hair out wondering who played a mean prank on them. They would never suspect the horrid smell was coming from the little thing used to cover up horrid smells. We'd see the freeway full of people commuting to work with their heads out of the windows desperate for breathable air. People might even take more showers, put on clean socks, and maybe even clean the piles of garbage out of their cars.
The second phase of my plan would be getting them into the stores. I think this would require a group of people working like they did in "Fight Club". Maybe, recruit employees of auto part's chains into the fold of evil. We have to replace the genuine article of pretty smells for the ones that would cause nightmares and vomit. We could buy dozens of the real ones from a store then return them the next day claiming they were no longer needed; but have been replaced by the stinky air fresheners. This could be nationwide. Worldwide. We could end up on No Fly Lists, Interpol lists, and on America's Most Wanted.
After months of this plan, there would investigations, news stories, car recalls, and general panic in the streets. It would be great. No one would be safe. I bet Obama has one in the Presidential Limo to cover up his pot smoking. Yeah. Anarchy.
Who's with me?
Don't worry, the evil plan is more an elaborate practical joke that can get dozens if not hundreds of unsuspecting victims.
We all have seen, and smelled those christmas tree air fresheners. We all know people who have a dozen or more of these things in their cars. The smell of Vanilla, Pine, Strawberries, or Lemon can make your stomach turn. They use these things to cover up their lack of hygiene, chain smoking habits, or the interior of their cars resemble and smell like a dumpster behind the local fast food joint.
My thought came once when friends and I in high school went on a spree of putting stinky, awful things in cars in the school parking lot. We got proficient of breaking into cars, and one of us had a nice slim jim. We never stole anything, just tossed dead fish under the seat or a dead cat in the trunk, and sometimes a bag full of dog shit in the glove box.
Biut, now I want to be more devious and less obvious. I want combine the two wrongs into a crime wave of epic proportions.
It starts by finding one of those companies that makes gag gifts. You know, like the ones who make woopie cushions and rubber dog crap. We'd get them to make copies of the Christmas tree air fresheners that look very similar, but not exact copies of the ones we find in parts stores and Walmart. This is necessary in order to keep Christmas Tree Air Freshener Company for suing instantly for copyright or something. But, these wouldn't smell pretty and frilly. Oh no, they would have horrible and disgusting smells instead.
In order for these imposters to work, they couldn't smell horrible the second they are opened; or the gag would back flop right out of the gate. There would have to be coated with something that would keep the smell under wraps until a time after they were opened and hanging inside the car.The packaging would have to be air tight. I figure the coating would break down over a few days after being exposed to air. See, I told you I was thinking of every detail. After a few days, these holiday themed do-hickeys smell would turn from pine to armpit. Or, from vanilla to rotting flesh. Or, lemon drops to doggy droppings.
People would be tearing apart their cars trying to figure out what crawled into their cars and died. They would be pulling their hair out wondering who played a mean prank on them. They would never suspect the horrid smell was coming from the little thing used to cover up horrid smells. We'd see the freeway full of people commuting to work with their heads out of the windows desperate for breathable air. People might even take more showers, put on clean socks, and maybe even clean the piles of garbage out of their cars.
The second phase of my plan would be getting them into the stores. I think this would require a group of people working like they did in "Fight Club". Maybe, recruit employees of auto part's chains into the fold of evil. We have to replace the genuine article of pretty smells for the ones that would cause nightmares and vomit. We could buy dozens of the real ones from a store then return them the next day claiming they were no longer needed; but have been replaced by the stinky air fresheners. This could be nationwide. Worldwide. We could end up on No Fly Lists, Interpol lists, and on America's Most Wanted.
After months of this plan, there would investigations, news stories, car recalls, and general panic in the streets. It would be great. No one would be safe. I bet Obama has one in the Presidential Limo to cover up his pot smoking. Yeah. Anarchy.
Who's with me?
Comment