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Re: Brad Kaselowski Read Riot Act by NASCAR Before Race
Excerpt from top secret transcript of Brad Kaselowski's meeting in the Big Red Trailer**
Brad Kaselowski ("BK"): DUDE! I always wanted to come in here. But I though y'all had a hot tub up in here or somethin' . . . .
Max Helton: Did anyone give you permission to speak, Son?
BK: Uh . . . no, I guess not.
Brian France: Granddaddy Big Bill always said "Don't speak unless you're spoken to . . . ."
Helton: With all due respect, I'll handle this Mr. France.
France: Why of course . . . Lead on Maxarooney! Hun, you wanta git me another SoCo . . .
Miss Sprint: Certainly Mr. France.
Helton: Who do you think you are, Son! Dale Earnhardt?
France: Why no? I'm . . .
Helton: NOT YOU MR. FRANCE! I'M TALKIN' TO THAT POLISH PUNK IN THE FIRESUIT!
France: Oops! My bad. Hey baby, could you bring me some more of that catfish sushi and a banana?
Miss Sprint: My pleasure, Mr. France.
Helton: Kaselowski, I don't know what the deal is between you and Denny Hamlin and I DON'T CARE!
France: Hamlin's one of them good Toyota boys, isn't he?
BK: Well if he'd just stay out of my way . . . .
Helton: Did you forget that part about not talking! I'm about to park you so far under the grandstand that they'll have to FedEx you a NASCAR-licensed track dog! You'll have to have a golf cart just to go to the outhouse!
THIS IS NASCAR! N-A-S-C-A-R! It ain't some beatin' and bangin' dirt track series back home! Corporations . . . FORTUNE ONE FREAKIN' HUNDRED CORPORATIONS pay millions of dollars to see their cars on TELEVISION in MY show. They don't pay to see some nobody like you knockin' their NASCAR out of contention.
France: That's MY show . . . .
Helton: Sorry Mr. France.
I mean, other than Mama Kaselowski, whoever heard about some goof like you until we gave you the PRIVILEGE of racing in NASCAR? There are 10,000 oval track racers in this country that would steal and kill to be where you are. And if I park you, they'll have to put your face on milk cartons to find you. Just ask that worm Mayfield! You want to join him?
BK: Well ...uh . . .I
Helton: Are you stupid, Boy? I didn't give you permission to speak!
France: You kinda did ask him a question . . .
Helton: It was a RHETORICAL QUESTION Mr. France. Kaselowski, I don't want you to even DREAM about rubbin' on anything Hamlin runs.
France: Granddaddy Big Bill used to say "Rubbin' is racin.'"
Helton: That was "Days of Thunder," Mr. France. And rubbin's going to be racin' back to nowhere for Kaselowski. YOU GOT THAT, BOY! If you so much as even ENTERTAIN A FLEETING THOUGHT about putting a bumper to ANYBODY, I'll know about it and you'll be running mini-stocks in Des Moines faster than you took Talladega!
France: Now if you want to give the ol' "Chrome Horn" to somebody . . . how about hittin' the 48 . . . he's really stinkin' up the show . . . .
Helton: (shakes head) Just forget he said that. You WILL NOT REPEAT IT to anyone. NOT EVEN TO MR. HENDRICK! You will say that you were "happy to have this meeting" and that you're pleased with everything NASCAR has ever done, and this meeting was a ""good sign for the sport."
You are dismissed!
**This is satire. It has no basis whatsoever in fact and should not be viewed in any way as intending to make any representations of fact about any person, event or place. -
Re: Brad Kaselowski Read Riot Act by NASCAR Before Race
Originally posted by Speedzzter.blogspot
That, sir, is not satire. That is INCREDIBLE satire! I am laughing so hard the receptionist wants to see what is so funny. Thanks for the pick-me-up! LOL!!!
RonIt's really no different than trying to glue them back on after she has her way.Comment
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Re: Brad Kaselowski Read Riot Act by NASCAR Before Race
Speedy....that was farkin awesome!
BrianThat which you manifest is before you.Comment
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Re: Brad Kaselowski Read Riot Act by NASCAR Before Race
Why do I picture Mel Brooks playing Brian France? That's pretty funny.Originally posted by NMCA_RonEscaped on a technicality.Comment
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Re: Brad Kaselowski Read Riot Act by NASCAR Before Race
...Agreed....Originally posted by Brian Lohnes
Absolutely hilarious.Comment
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Re: Brad Kaselowski Read Riot Act by NASCAR Before Race
I would pay extra to see bad brad punt toyotas into the wallComment
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Re: Brad Kaselowski Read Riot Act by NASCAR Before Race
I would pay extra to see anyone put that cry baby Denny in the wall.Originally posted by SpiderGearsManBS'er formally known as Rebeldryver
Resident Instigator
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Re: Brad Kaselowski Read Riot Act by NASCAR Before Race
I once had a dream...I turn on Speed Channel, it's a NASCRAP race...and when the announcer comes on, it's everybody's favorite flying squirrel: "Now here's something we hope you really enjoy!" :DEditor-at-Large at...well, here, of course!
"Remy-Z, you've outdone yourself again, I thought a Mirada was the icing on the cake of rodding, but this Imperial is the spread of little 99-cent candy letters spelling out "EAT ME" on top of that cake."Comment
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Re: Brad Kaselowski Read Riot Act by NASCAR Before Race
speed installs nascar reruns on the schedule as rally fia has poor ratingsComment
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Re: Brad Kaselowski Read Riot Act by NASCAR Before Race
Originally posted by SpiderGearsManSpidey,anybody who has ever seen an infomercial running on Speed should realize that ratings aren't the primary factor in programming.Originally posted by SpiderGearsMan
Speed broadcasts seemingly endless amounts of trivial NASCAR programming because its parent, News Corp, made a ridiculous multi-year contract with NASCAR before the roof caved in. "The combined TV rights fee for Fox, ESPN and Turner averages $560 million a year through 2014. Additionally, each of the networks has a multimillion-dollar spend with NASCAR Media Group, which manages the TV compound at each venue and provides additional content, such as unique camera angles and audio." http://www.sportsbusinessjournal.com/article/60670
Of course broadcasting the actual races is what drives the "deal." All of the mind-numbing ancillary programing merely makes use of the assets already on the ground to amortize their bloated costs. Given the fact that 55-60 cameras, the on-air talent, and the production crew are already on-site for the race,televising practices (YAWN) , single car qualifying (Zzzzz), and all the insipid pre-race/post-race/talk/game shows (Coma) at the track has a relatively low programming cost-per-minute.
Moreover, the advertising sales people can sell NASCAR sponsors multi-channel "package deals" they claim "leverage" the obscene investments that some of these sponsors have made into the sport (Note: NASCAR sponsorship probably still obtains a justifiable return on investment for large consumer products companies if they're primary sponsors for a team in the Chase or a "big name" in the sport, even with the growing numbers of empty seats in the stands and declining television ratings).
Reruns on cable are even cheaper. Original FIA programming would clearly be more expensive and would lack the "package deal" advertising aspect. Speed Channel's adverstising sales staff would have to go out and sell the ad time without the "leverage your NASCAR investment" sales pitch. That's a tougher job.
No NASCAR show on cable currently obtains noteworthy "mainstream" ratings. http://tvbythenumbers.com/2009/11/10...129#more-33129
The creation of a "NASCAR TV channel within a channel" was a key component of the "relaunch" of Speedvision into "Speed TV" in 2002. http://www.nascar.com/2002/news/head.../speedchannel/ NASCAR was still booming back then and News Corp wanted something that would double the channel's penetration into cable homes (around half of all cable homes didn't get Speedvision). It made sense back then. Whether it does now is another, closely-guarded question. But the "NASCAR TV" concept seems to be moving from cable to the internet. http://dalyplanet.blogspot.com/2009/...w-reality.html
Speed, like ESPN, desparately hopes for NASCAR's permission to televise more live NASCAR racing under the multi-year deal. Thus, they also likely run much of the low-rated ancillary "sustaining" programs in order to improve the positions of their "brands" in the minds of NASCAR's media bosses.
In short, Speed's excessive programming of NASCAR content is driven more by other business factors than mere ratings.Comment
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