Engineering joke

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  • 98ciHemi
    Superhero BangShifter
    • Dec 2008
    • 2425

    #1

    Engineering joke

    This one is for peewee. I just had to share it.

    Christmas in an Engineer's Mind
    There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish or Buddhist (except maybe in Japan) religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the population reference bureau). At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that comes to 108 million homes, presuming there is at least one good child in each. Santa has about 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 967.7 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with a good child, Santa has around 1/1000 th of a second to park the sleigh, hop out, jump down the chimney, fill the stocking, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left for him, get back up the chimney, jump into the sleigh and get onto the next house.

    Assuming that each of these 108 million stops is evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false, but will accept for the purposes of our calculations), we are now talking about 0.78 miles per household; a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting bathroom stops or breaks. This means Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second -- 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man made vehicle, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second, and a conventional reindeer can run (at best) 15 miles per hour.

    The payload of the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium sized LEGO set (two pounds), the sleigh is carrying over 500 thousands tons, not counting Santa himself. On land, a conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that the "flying" reindeer can pull 10 times he normal amount, the job can't be done with eight or even nine of them---Santa would need 360,000 of them. This increases the payload, not counting the weight of the sleigh, another 54,000 tons, or roughly seven times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth (the ship, not the monarch).

    600,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance - this would heat up the reindeer in the same fashion as a spacecraft reentering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer would absorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy per second each. In short, they would burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them and creating deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team would be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second, or right about the time Santa reached the fifth house on his trip.

    Not that it matters, however, since Santa, as a result of accelerating from a dead stop to 650 m.p.s. in .001 seconds, would be subjected to acceleration forces of 17,000 g's. A 250 pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of the sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force, instantly crushing his bones and organs and reducing him to a quivering blob of pink goo. Therefore, if Santa did exist, he's dead now.

    Merry Christmas
  • DanStokes
    Ancient LSR Guy
    • Oct 2007
    • 28685

    #2
    Re: Engineering joke

    You're forgetting an important part of the equation. Santa has Christmas Magic and operates outside the the rules of physics - kind of like a quark. You can't see him because the act of observing him changes him in a way that you can't see him. Santa magic. Besides, he has a network of helpers around the world. So there.

    Dan

    Comment

    • speed service
      BangShifter
      • Aug 2009
      • 184

      #3
      Re: Engineering joke

      He has "Majic dust"...Like in the Cheech and Chong santa song......And of all groups of people I would think and engineer would understand this......In my indy car day's I changed the name of our engineer's to Imagineer's .. Some of the stuff they came up with was very very wacky!

      Comment

      • moparmaniac07
        Superhero BangShifter
        • Mar 2009
        • 1233

        #4
        Re: Engineering joke

        Originally posted by 116ciHemi
        a conventional reindeer can run (at best) 15 miles per hour.
        I know you didn't write it, but I thought it was closer to 30

        That little bit of false information completely discredits the whole argument

        Comment

        • DanStokes
          Ancient LSR Guy
          • Oct 2007
          • 28685

          #5
          Re: Engineering joke

          And leaving Santa magic out of the equation. Ever hear of "string theory?"

          Dan

          Comment

          • CTX-SLPR
            Legendary BangShifter
            • Jan 2008
            • 6011

            #6
            Re: Engineering joke

            While that's fast, its only 1/300th the speed of light so he doesn't even get a boost of more than a few seconds from relativity though his mass goes up corespondingly so the reindeer would have to work even harder.
            Central TEXAS Sleeper
            USAF Physicist

            ROA# 9790

            Comment

            • studemax
              [ Expletive Deleted ]
              • Nov 2007
              • 6503

              #7
              Re: Engineering joke

              Ever hear of "string theory?"
              Yes, please explain it to the class - would you please, Dan?
              Act your age, not your shoe size. - Prince

              Comment

              • IRONHEAD

                #8
                Re: Engineering joke

                Santa's smart. he recruits volunteers :D
                he's just the forman..
                any good engineer would know this

                Comment

                • DanStokes
                  Ancient LSR Guy
                  • Oct 2007
                  • 28685

                  #9
                  Re: Engineering joke

                  I only know what I learned on PBS - and it's nuts.

                  Physicists (Steven Hawking and the gang) have been searching for years to find a theory that unites quantum mechanics (the physics that describes the behavior of the very small) with the theory of relativity, which describes the behavior of the very large. In theory, that which is true on a mega scale should be true at a micro scale - and it isn't. They're looking for what they call "The Theory of Everything" or "The Grand Unified Theory".

                  Anyhow, one contender is that the ultra small is made up of strings of matter/energy that can be in more than one place at once, materialize from nothing and disappear to nothing, and exist in more than one dimension - at the same time. This sounds like Voodoo to me but at least some brilliant scientists think this theory has enough possibility to be accurate that it needs to be seriously studied. When the collider at Cern in Switzerland is up and running this is part of what they will be looking into. Evidently this installation has the ability to generate conditions where the effects of strings could be observed - not the strings themselves, just the results of their existence.

                  This is a REALLY broad general description as I understand it and I'm not sure I understand what I understand. "Steven Hawking" smart people are looking into this and every time I watch one of these shows I come away wearing my dunce cap and sitting in a corner for a while. But I'm fascinated by theoretical physics - but not the math.

                  Dan

                  Originally posted by studemax
                  Ever hear of "string theory?"
                  Yes, please explain it to the class - would you please, Dan?

                  Comment

                  • DanStokes
                    Ancient LSR Guy
                    • Oct 2007
                    • 28685

                    #10
                    Re: Engineering joke

                    Gee, didn't mean to kill the thread! They asked what string theory was and I tried to respond. Guess everyone in class fell asleep?

                    Dan

                    Comment

                    • nesabo
                      Legendary BangShifter
                      • Jan 2008
                      • 4288

                      #11
                      Re: Engineering joke

                      Come on!! A Christmas story in February!! :D
                      Neal

                      Drag Week 2010, 2011, 2012, 2013

                      Comment

                      • Barry Donovan
                        No Life Outside BangShift.com
                        • Jul 2009
                        • 16928

                        #12
                        Re: Engineering joke

                        Originally posted by nesabo
                        Come on!! A Christmas story in February!! :D
                        the concept of santa takes some longer than others.



                        the small stuff making big stuff on the same scale is impossible. As pathetic humns, some spot intial reactions, and declare it an answer...what is holding the whole thing together? are we bumps of a bigger atom? :o

                        and santa is real. this thread hurts me.
                        :
                        Previously boxer3main
                        the death rate and fairy tales cannot kill the nature left behind.

                        Comment

                        • DanStokes
                          Ancient LSR Guy
                          • Oct 2007
                          • 28685

                          #13
                          Re: Engineering joke

                          CTX - did I get the explanation of string theory more or less right? It kind of makes my head hurt - but the whole concept is cool as is possible (I almost said "cool as Hell but you wouldn't say that to a physicist - or a theologian).

                          Dan

                          Comment

                          • 98ciHemi
                            Superhero BangShifter
                            • Dec 2008
                            • 2425

                            #14
                            Re: Engineering joke

                            I don't know why, but that is the funniest joke I have seen in awhile. I don't know why, but it is. The last line just gets me.

                            Comment

                            • CTX-SLPR
                              Legendary BangShifter
                              • Jan 2008
                              • 6011

                              #15
                              Re: Engineering joke

                              Originally posted by DanStokes
                              CTX - did I get the explanation of string theory more or less right? It kind of makes my head hurt - but the whole concept is cool as is possible (I almost said "cool as Hell but you wouldn't say that to a physicist - or a theologian).

                              Dan
                              I'm not up on String Theory honestly but what you say would explain things like spontaneous pair production (particle and antiparticle pairs appearing and annihilating randomly) and quantum entanglement (2 particle "communicating" faster than the speed of light). You are correct in the search for the "Grand Unified Theory", and how it links quantum physics with more classical dynamics and relativity. Einstein didn't believe in quantum mechanics actually, that was the Germans Max Planck and Werner Heisenberg who came up with it.
                              I'm honestly light in the area of theoretical physics (too deep in the weeds and unobservable for my tastes though I can follow along and maybe translate if you find something). My area is more macro and nuclear level quantum stuff concerning Electricity and Magnetism and resulting radiation and thermodynamic properties.
                              Central TEXAS Sleeper
                              USAF Physicist

                              ROA# 9790

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