Foul Language Alternatives

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  • pdub
    Colonel Turd Nugget
    • Oct 2009
    • 24542

    #1

    Foul Language Alternatives

    Dear Employees:

    It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their co-workers. Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will be no longer be tolerated. We do however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with co-workers. Therefore, a list of "TRY SAYING" new phrases is provided below so the proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner.

    1) TRY SAYING:
    I think you could use more training.
    INSTEAD OF:
    You don't know what the f___ you're doing.

    2) TRY SAYING:
    She's an aggressive go-getter.
    INSTEAD OF:
    She's a ball! -busting b-t-h.

    3) TRY SAYING:
    Perhaps I can work late.
    INSTEAD OF:
    And when the f___ do you expect me to do this?

    4) TRY SAYING:
    I'm certain that isn't feasible.
    INSTEAD OF:
    No f______ way.

    5) TRY SAYING:
    Really?
    INSTEAD OF:
    You've got to be sh--ing me!

    6) TRY SAYING:
    Perhaps you should check with...
    INSTEAD OF:
    Tell someone who gives a s--t.

    7) TRY SAYING:
    I wasn't involved in the project.
    INSTEAD OF:
    It's not my f______ problem.

    8) TRY SAYING:
    That's interesting.
    INSTEAD OF:
    What the f___?

    9) TRY SAYING:
    I'm not sure this can be implemented.
    INSTEAD OF:
    This s--t won't work.

    10) TRY SAYING:
    I'll! try to schedule that.
    INSTEAD OF:
    Why the hell didn't you tell me sooner?

    11) TRY SAYING:
    He's not familiar with the issues.
    INSTEAD OF:
    He's got his head up his a__.

    12) TRY SAYING:
    Excuse me, sir?
    INSTEAD OF:
    Eat s--t and die.

    13) TRY SAYING:
    So you weren't happy with it?
    INSTEAD OF:
    Kiss my a__.

    14) TRY SAYING:
    I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.
    INSTEAD OF:
    F___ it, I'm on salary.

    15) TRY SAYING:
    I don't think you understand.
    INSTEAD OF:
    Shove it up your a__.

    16) TRY SAYING:
    I love a challenge.
    INSTEAD OF:
    This job sucks.

    17) TRY SAYING:
    You want me to take care of that?
    INSTEAD OF:
    Who the hell died and made you boss?

    18 ) TRY SAYING:
    He's somewhat insensitive.
    INSTEAD OF:
    He's a prick.

    Thank You,

    Your Management team

    Charter member of the Turd Nuggets
  • Eagle Kammback
    Legendary BangShifter
    • Jan 2009
    • 5490

    #2
    Re: Foul Language Alternatives



    hahahahahahaha, thanks, I needed that
    Rumors of my demise by rollover have been greatly exaggerated.

    Comment

    • BigBlockMopar
      Superhero BangShifter
      • Nov 2007
      • 3498

      #3
      Re: Foul Language Alternatives

      The words "TRY SAYING" and "INSTEAD OF:" are the wrong way around. ;) :D

      I think that pricks that are 'easily offended' should not be tolerated in an enviroment where normal people are hard at work trying to make a living... ;D ;D
      www.BigBlockMopar.com

      Comment

      • darksider
        Drives An Automatic
        • Dec 2007
        • 44

        #4
        Re: Foul Language Alternatives

        :D :D

        Comment

        • malc
          Legendary BangShifter
          • Oct 2007
          • 5333

          #5
          Re: Foul Language Alternatives

          I?LL TRY SAYING:
          Guilty as charged.

          INSTEAD OF:
          Ya done f_____ found me out.

          Comment

          • nosnerd
            Superhero BangShifter
            • Aug 2008
            • 1975

            #6
            Re: Foul Language Alternatives

            ah, i dunno...i would have to go with #9
            "IGNORANCE SHOULD BE EFFIN PAINFUL"

            522 cubes on One Gun,doin' it on W's at full weight baby!

            Comment

            • pdub
              Colonel Turd Nugget
              • Oct 2009
              • 24542

              #7
              Re: Foul Language Alternatives

              There's a whole lot more to it than that....

              38 Things We'd Love to Say at Work, But We Can't




              1. Ahhh...I see the f**k-up fairy has visited us again...

              2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to
              pronounce.

              3. How about never? Is never good for you?

              4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in
              public.

              5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship
              me.

              6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

              7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...

              8. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

              9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're
              saying.

              10. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit.

              11. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.

              12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

              13. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.

              14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

              15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

              16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point
              of view.

              17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an
              artist.

              18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely
              coincidental.

              19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?

              20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

              21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.

              22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

              23. And your crybaby whiny-ass opinion would be...?

              24. Do I look like a people person?

              25. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.

              26. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.

              27. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

              28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?

              29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

              30. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

              31. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

              32. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.

              33. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?

              34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

              35. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?

              36. Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.

              37. How do I set a laser printer to stun?

              38. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
              Charter member of the Turd Nuggets

              Comment

              • Hemi Joel
                Superhero BangShifter
                • Nov 2007
                • 1091

                #8
                Re: Foul Language Alternatives

                When your computer crashes, try saying "oh fiddle sticks"?

                Comment

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